When Breathing is not Enough
by Pisinoe
Summary: She's nobody. His name is Gray and he's the love of her life. It's her last chance to enter his life before her heart breaks for good. They told her it's not possible to die of love. Juvia is willing to risk everything to find out the answer. AU


**author's note: **I can't even believe I'm finally posting this. I truly hope you appreciate it.

I do not own Fairy Tail or its characters. English is not my first language and I still have a lot to learn. Constructive critics are welcome.

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**WHEN BREATHING IS NOT ENOUGH**

_"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."_  
_― Pablo Neruda**.**_

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**Prologue.**

The alarm clock is the first thing I hear when I wake up because of a disturbing shortness of breath in my lungs.

The sudden action makes my head dizzy and I have to lay my head back down in my pillow to grasp for air once more. The pain in my lungs is nothing compared to the one in my chest, but after a few seconds I manage to suck in enough air and a minute later I slowly start breathing normally again. I cough a few times but I'm neither scared nor worried about the pain caused to my body every time my throat is forced.

It's been a few weeks since I've been waking up breathless every morning.

I open my eyes slowly, taking in the blurry vision of my room and I'm grateful for the brightness outside, otherwise I wouldn't really be sure if the darkness is permanent or only caused by the lack of light at first. I then lift my hand to my chest and feel my heart beating faster than a normal person's against it, which relieves me, for it has been like that since I can remember being alive. But what really matters is that it **is** beating.

One more morning, I finally realize, and I'm still here. _I'm alive._

And that's what I don't know if I'm grateful for or not, but I still stand up and go open my window to let the air circulate inside the bedroom. The sun represents that a new day has started and life is still going on not only for the rest of the world but for me too, which means I can't stay at home hiding from everyone as much as I'd prefer to do. My feet take me to the small cabinet besides my bed and after making sure to take the pills on it that the doctor prescribed me in the right order, I leave my room to have breakfast and start getting ready for the day.

While getting dressed and checking if my backpack has everything needed for today's class, I take one more look at how the sun is shining so brightly outside and I tell myself to smile and appreciate how beautiful the day is.

"You still have to live, don't forget that!" my brain tells me once more.

In my vocabulary, or more precisely, in my life this actually means a lot, so seeing another day start truly feels kind of enchanting to me even though I know, as always, I won't do anything special with my day because I'm a miserable person and miserable people live ordinary lives.

It's certainly not like I'm some sort of philosopher or pessimist, and sure my life is very far away from being amazing or fulfilled, but I'm still happier than sad. You can't always have everything, so being boring and lonely is what daily life actually feels like to me. My parents leave earlier than I do, and since I don't have any friends or anyone who goes to the same academy in my neighbourhood, I take my stuff and walk silently while watching the clouds in the sky, not really paying attention to the streets.

My day will be like every other day has been; the same old routine since years ago. I wake up, have breakfast, leave for the academy, come home to my parents and then sleep praying tomorrow something would change.

Sometimes I do feel ungrateful, because the circumstances could be worse and my life really isn't all that bad. I'm just too shy to approach people and scared of what could happen. I'm maybe too boring and certainly antisocial, so it's better to avoid others since I know how awkward they would feel with me and I'm so used to being invisible that I actually kind of _enjoy_ it.

I know that I don't do anything important besides breathing and existing, but I get to go to the academy and when you're the most boring and invisible person on campus, you can see how life happens for others. I'm no gossiper or jealous cat, just a friendless teenager with nothing to do and students at the Fairy Tail Academy can actually be more dramatic and extravagant than some characters in those stupid TV dramas, believe me.

And that's not even what makes that place _so_ interesting.

Even though it's an academy for various formations, a lot of talented people go there to specialize in different subjects. I'd like to say that I take one of those amazing classes they offer, but I didn't really qualify for anything when I finished school last year because I never found out what interests me so I only do general studies for those who don't know what they want.

Of course I could have already left or dropped out because those studies mean nothing for me and I hate them, but there's a reason I make myself leave the house every day. If you haven't noticed until now, I'm a **girl**.

A very ordinary and maybe even depressed one, but still female.

And there's this one special person I like to watch and even though I know it is pathetic – and also certainly creepy and obsessive –, to always be observing someone who has never looked in your direction, much less a boy who hasn't even acknowledged your existence… I just can't help it.

I really shouldn't like him that much. He makes my heart ache even more.

His name is Gray and it makes you think of things that are cold. His eyes are as dark as an endless night and he's as mysterious and as fascinating as the mixture of black and white. Some people say he's like a cloudy sky.

Except to me he feels _exactly_ like sunshine.

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**author's note:** I hope the message I want to pass with this story reaches your heart. Please give it a chance and leave reviews. Let me know what you think.

Thank you.


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